Fierce Updates

It's Clay Aiken's birthday! He's pretty old, actually; I had no idea. 29. Wow. In his honor, I checked out his audition on YouTube and remembered the olden days... The boy goes off.

In other news, even Fox News is reporting that Tila Tequila is straight! I read about this earlier today but wanted to wait 'till I found some more substantiated evidence, and I figure that if Fox News has a story about it, it must be legit. Apparently Tila has a boyfriend and is just doing the show for attention--what a novel idea! Ha. When I watched the first few episodes, I have to admit that I was skeptical about her sexuality. I mean, I've had plenty of women in my life who have gone through a "bisexual stage" and I can completely understand where she might be coming from. Let's face it: who doesn't want to be on TV surrounded by both gorgeous women and slightly better-than-average looking men?

I Love New York. Really, I do. She has to be one of the craziest people on reality TV, and her show has become one of those ones that is on VH1 basically all the time. I actually don't know when the new episodes are on, but that doesn't matter, because I have seen every episode multiple times. New York's breasts are inspiring; I don't know how she manages to keep the nipples covered most of the time. Most of the guys this season are pretty whatever (especially Tailor Made--what an idiot), but New York and her mother make it totally worth it. If you haven't checked out this show yet, you totally should... Especially if you like crazy black divas whose mothers are dramatic Christians and they work together to pick "True Love" for the aforementioned crazy black diva from a field of dudes with names like Punk and Buddha and sometimes they have to do stupid challenges like cook or make a business presentation and regularly break into physical violence all for the sake of entertainment... I mean, all for the sake of finding the love of a lifetime.

It's Friday night, so that means that there aren't really any new shows on... I guess I can get off of my couch and go do something.

ANTM Judge Quits

It comes as no surprise to me that Twiggy has decided to leave ANTM. Whatever, she was pretty forgettable as a judge. I mean, who could compare to Miss J, Tyra, or NIGEL BARKER? Let's be honest. Maybe Twiggy has plans to start her own model-search show? I wouldn't be shocked.

They're replacing her with some 80's supermodel that I've never heard of. I guess I wasn't paying that much attention to fashion when I was that young... But that's no surprise, either, especially to those of you who remember some of the outfits I came up with as a gay youth. Hideous.

AI Returns in January :)

AMERICAN IDOL IS COMING BACK ON JANUARY 15 & 16!

The website has all kinds of information about the auditions that took place this summer and fall in San Diego, Dallas, Omaha, Atlanta, Charleston, Miami, and Philadelphia. Check it out!

I didn't watch more than a couple episodes of the last season, but I will definitely be tuning in to see if Season 7 will bring back talent like Latoya, Jennifer, Kelly, Kimberley (Locke), Clay, Katharine, and Diana. Oh, and Ryan Seacrest, of course. I love him.

Breaking Reality News

So here's some breaking news. Julianne from DWTS is not only a two-time winner, but she is also a homewrecker. An hour after celebrating their win on The View, news broke that Helio Castroneves and his fiancee called off their engagement. Guess what? Something eerily similar happened last season, when Julianne and her fiancee broke off their engagement after rumors began swirling that she and Apollo Anton-Ohno shared more than chemistry in the ballroom. The good news is: it's no secret that Sabrina and Mark are an item, and I couldn't be happier. She is fierce and he is hot.

**Update: DWTS's season finale was the second most-watched show of the fall season! Work.

**Update: Mark Ballas is injured!

Also, Snoop Dogg will be the latest addition to the sub-genre known as Family CelebReality. His show, Father Hood, will be premiering on E! December 19. I don't really know what to make of this news... I guess time will tell, but I have a feeling it's not going to be a hit.

**Update: Father Hood is premiering tonight! Don't miss it.

That's it, really.

Some favorites from the vaults...

I thought I'd share a little background of my experiences with reality TV. In other words, here are some of my favorite moments with a bit of explanation...

Project Runway singlehandedly brought Bravo into the reality spotlight. The show takes a handful of designers to New York City and gives them challenges to create various pieces of fashion, all the while eliminating a designer each week. The finale takes place at Fashion Week, where the top three designers showcase an entire collection of clothing. There are always incredible characters on the show; artistic people are known to be--how can I say this gently--a little insane. Santino from season *two was no exception, and he was able to make up for being such a dick by doing an awesome impression of Tim Gunn. I think most of the designers on that season shared my sentiments, as they all join in on the laughter.

Another wildly popular reality show giving a fashion-hopeful the chance of a lifetime is America's Next Top Model, produced, hosted, and judged by the unpredictable Tyra Banks. Each week, the models have photo shoots and are critiqued by some of the biggest names in the business, concluding with the elimination of the one who didn't give enough face, skipped out on a challenge, had ugly skin, or just wasn't fierce enough. At the eliminations, Tyra is always acting her FACE off, often lecturing the girls about why they are going home and why they should probably just give up on their hopes and dreams altogether. During cycle four Tyra really hit the wall, totally GOING OFF on Tiffany upon her elimination (the only double-elimination ever on the show). It's one of those moments where you are watching the TV and thinking, "What is going on?" Tyra is insane. It's all in the clip.

One of my favorite reality shows of all time is American Idol, duh. I have vivid memories of watching the first season with a few of my friends in someone's basement, sipping stolen alcohol out of empty shampoo bottles (don't ask). Though there have been some obvious duds (Ruben Studdard, namely), Idol has produced some fierce champions, but many of my favorites haven't even been in the finales... Check out Jennifer Hudson singing "Weekend in New England" from Barry Manilow night on season three. It's insane, and she looks insane, too. And here's Latoya London, one of my all time favorite contestants, singing "Don't Rain on My Parade" from Big Band night (again from season three, the best season EVER!). Idol was probably the first show to really give its losers a chance in the spotlight, especially William Hung and his awesome rendition of "She Bangs." Want more Idol? Just go to YouTube and search--you'll find years worth of clips, both good and bad.

Some reality shows only have a small following, but this doesn't mean that they don't provide incredible entertainment. A perfect example is Trading Spouses, a show that I've tried to watch since it's inception. Without question, the absolute best "trade" was when The God Warrior spent a week with a Pagan family. Check out her reaction upon her homecoming. It turns me into a God-fearing man, I'll say that.

More to come...

The Opening Round: Beginnings and Endings

Well, last night was a complete shock (slash not a shock at all) when Mel B. was robbed of the title on Dancing with the Stars. I'm pissed! You know, when Sabrina was voted off a few weeks ago, I was seriously outraged, and this is not QUITE as bad, but it's still upsetting. There were many highlights of the finale results show, though, such as Marie finishing in third (gotta love her for trying, but let's face it, she's talentless in the ballroom); the return of all of the eliminated couples (SABRINA! YES!  ALBERT REED! YES!); some great one-liners from Tom (he's such a great host); Cameron with his shirt off (finally!); and some awesome, tear-jerking montages from this fabulous and dramatic season. I mean, how many times have we seen Marie faint or Jennie & Derek fall on their asses? And they're both still funny! Anyhow, it's a shame that what's-his-name the racecar driver went home with the mirrorball trophy, but I guess I can't be that surprised... After all, it's not like America hasn't done something stupid like this before (Jennifer Hudson's 7th place Idol finish, most notably).

This was the first season of DWTS that I watched regularly, and I have to say, I was very impressed. Yes, it's funny that most of the "stars" are actually way past their primes (or have their primes still in the future--SABRINA), but it is always entertaining to see people completely out of their element.  Also, I love watching good dancers; it's a well-known fact that my dream talent is to be a dancer of some sort.  All in all, wow, what a season; if you didn't tune in, check it out online at abc.com or go to YouTube and search for your favorite stars.

And now, on to Project Runway.  I didn't watch much of last season but I was a fanatic of the previous two, especially season one.  This time around, Heidi is even more German (or whatever she is) and Tim Gunn now knows how gay he actually sounds ("Designers...  Make it work.")  The cast is incredibly talented; never before have there been so many designers who have already enjoyed some level of success.  From lingerie to nymph-inspired cloaks, these designers have done it all, and it's way too early to pick any front-runners, at least for me.

The Redeye, a morning newspaper us Chicagoans enjoy while riding the El, did a preview of the designers a few weeks ago and they compared each one to a designer from past seasons.  Well, The Redeye was completely wrong; they said that Victorya was "forgettable" and wouldn't make it past week one, but she's won two of the three challenges!  I think her designs are nice, feminine, and pretty; nothing to write home about, really, but she's definitely good enough to be there.  Jack definitely rocked the menswear challenge with Tiki Barber tonight, and the male models Tim brought in definitely rocked my TV.  (Sidenote: throw in male models and I'm all about it).  As far as personality is concerned, well, you might not believe me, but I like Christian.  He's so ridiculouslyfiercelyinsanely gay, it's awesome.  I also love the relationship that he and Jack have--did you see Jack's rippling muscles barely flinch while carrying Christian in a tote bag back to Parsons?  Adorable.

You know, I haven't really watched Real World regularly since...hmmm...either Chicago or New Orleans.  I think that show was cooler to me when I was younger than the cast members; now, it isn't as unbelievable that a house full of beautiful college kids get drunk every night and barely do anything worthwhile (or perhaps nothing at all) during the day.  It's one of those reality shows that is basically the same from season to season, especially now that they pick the most ridiculous people they can find, rather than mixing it up with a few normals.  Anyhow, my roommate and I watched the new episode today, and I officially decided that I hate Parisa.  I'm sorry, I do.  Now, do NOT think that this means I am on Team Tricia, because that is clearly not the case.  Tricia is a closed-minded white trash Christian skank who needs a new dye job.  But Parisa is sooooo annoying!  Why did she EVER think it would be a good idea to be on the show?  Her personality just isn't right.  And I hate the way she is constantly acting so mature.  Get over it.  The funniest moment on tonight's show was when those two brown-haired sorority girls were leaning over the phone room and spitting on the window.  Was that really supposed to frighten Parisa out of Australia?  

The last show I'll be discussing tonight is Run's House.  This diamond in the rough showcases one of the most normal, down to earth families in the history of reality TV.  Seriously.  Run and his wife are both totally cool parents and all of their kids are full of personality and hidden talents...  Especially Diggy, who is a totally fierce dancer.  It's a low-key show that really pleases.

Final thought: Please download Heidi Montag's song "Body Language."  I know it's been out in cyberspace for a few weeks already, but it's priceless.  Especially Spencer's rap.