Just a quickie...

I know it's not technically reality TV, but I was looking over TIME's list of the 10 Most Awkward Moments of 2007 and this clip from The View is really something. I remember hearing about it shortly after it happened, but this 5 minute fight between Rosie and Elizabeth is a must-watch. What do you think? Should Rosie have just shut up? Is Elizabeth a crazy bitch?

Some Sunday Tidbits...

Not only is Jessica Sierra from American Idol in jail right now, but she is also getting ready to star on VH1's Celebrity Rehab or something. OH YEAH, she's pregnant, too.

Holly Madison turned 28 yesterday. Hef's Number One is my favorite, too. She's fierce.

This is pretty funny, actually. Bret Michael's show Rock Of Love's second season is coming soon, and three of the potential girlfriends are transexuals.

Katharine McPhee is in a movie! This is news to me... I probably won't see it, mostly because Rumer Willis is in it and I think she's the biggest joke on the planet.

I haven't heard any of the tracks yet, but Blake Lewis (runner-up on American Idol last season) has put out a CD. Read his interview with AmericanIdol.com! His album is at #32 on the Billboard Chart this week; last week it was at #10. He's so cute, too.

Yessss!! So You Think You Can Dance? auditions are beginning January 17! If you're a fierce dancer, please audition. This is one of my favorite shows of all time.

A Shot At Love: The Final Round was on recently, and it is a joke. It turns out that "Little Italy" himself, Dominico, is going to have his own show on MTV. It's called That's Amore. Typical. Spin-offs of dating shows have really become popular lately... Tila looks absolutely ridiculous on the show--a tiny gold dress and a new haircut. Dani is still a fierce firefighter. Bobby and Tila couldn't see one another for two months. AND Tila makes a big announcement:

I Love New York 2 Finale

Upon visiting a plantation in Jamaica with Buddha, New York exclaims, "This is the 21st century.  I don't need to be pickin' no cotton."  Then, after riding a horse across a river, her relief is expressed because, "it just felt so good to be back on earth...  Or land..."  Amazing.

I am just now watching the finale episode and so far it's knocking my socks off.  Is New York ever sober?  Has Taylor Made ever lived a day without visiting a tanning bed?  Is muscle-bound Buddha completely terrified of Sister Patterson?  No.  No.  Yes.

In the end, she chooses Taylor Made.  Buddha is not trustworthy enough for New York, and Sister P HATES him.  Taylor Made is a complete loser, but whatever.  I don't think they will last too long and I'm quite surprised that there aren't any headlines about them right now...  Oh well.

A Couple of Updates...

American Idol season two winner Ruben Studdard (I hoped I would never have to write about him) has been dropped by his record label. That sucks, you know? Maybe he will have to do some commercials in his home town like Melinda Doolittle did...

Also in Idol news, the ever-trashy Jessica Sierra has put out a sex tape! I won't be watching it, and I don't think Perez will be either...

Even more Idol news! Page Six is reporting that Fantasia is pregnant! She's had her understudy go on for her in The Color Purple on Broadway sooo many times lately; maybe it's because she's with child.

One more Idol tidbit. Simon Cowell has lost some weight apparently. He looks kind of good...??!!??

VH1 is bringing Bret Michaels back for another season of Rock Of Love. Personally, I don't really care because I don't know who he is and I have never watched an episode of that show before.

Heidi Montag is on the cover of USWeekly confirming that she and Spencer are NOT getting married. Apparently the ring wasn't her "dream ring" or something stupid like that. I mean, here's the thing--Heidi is never going to find someone more perfect for her than Spencer.

Tila Tequila picked the boy. That's dumb because she already has a boyfriend! She should have chosen Dani because she's cuter and would be more fun to add to her existing relationship. Do I smell a spin-off featuring Dani to come in 2008?

Project Runway quotes... (etc.)

I missed last week's episode because I was working, but I made it home in time to see tonight's Project Runway, and I'm glad I did.  The previews made it out to be much more dramatic than it really was; I mean, I thought Jack was like super sick or something.  Turns out he (just) has an infection that makes his upper lip look crazy.  It was sad to see him leave, though, because I think he was definitely one of the best designers on the show.  

As I was watching, I was trying to think of some good ways to summarize the show, and I decided that a collection of great quotes would be the best route to take tonight.  So here goes.

Tim Gunn: "...'cause I've made more bad decisions at 3 AM than I can list."

He's soooo funny slash gay sometimes.  Loves it.

Christian: "Don't these bitches know that I am way better than them?"

So unabashedly modest...  But completely amazing.  I love him.

Stephen: "Dear God, help me now."

In response to finding out he had to use a sick wedding dress in the challenge.

Christian: "It looks God-awful hideous."

Elisa: "Underneath this new body she has a new sexuality."

WTF???  She is too crazy.

Michael Kors: "...it's a little Shirley Mclaine when she played a hooker with a heart of gold."

Those were the best quotes of the night.  A few other observations:

*Stephen is a big nerd.  Too bad he went home...  He lives above one of my friends here in Chicago.

*Christian is amazing.  

*There's really no reason that they brought Chris back.  Sorry.

In other news, Bravo's new show Make Me A Supermodel premiers in January, hosted by Tyson Beckford and Nikki Taylor.  It could be amazing.  I'm hoping for the best...

Crowned with Thorns

Crowned, the new show which premiered on The CW after Top Model tonight is a thorn in my side.  It's horrible.  And not that funny, trashy, "I can't wait 'till next week" kind of horrible.  It's just bad.  First of all, the music is ridiculous.  Second, there are WAY too many tears.  Third, I just don't really get it.  They're not models, they're not pageant girls, and they're not interesting.  What's the point?  

Final Thought: I missed the Top Model finale, but I hear that Saleisha won.  You know, the one with that ugly-ass bob.  Her hair reminds me of the Beatles!

Sunday Night is for Reality TV!

Sooo much happened tonight! After watching The Hillz special, I caught MTV just in time for I Love New York 2. It was a turbulent episode in which the final four contestants' families came to the house to meet New York. Well, it was a fiasco, especially between Sister Patterson and Entertainer's mother. At the first dinner, Sister P was completely stoned, barely able to shake anyone's hand or say more than "hello." What a joke! Then, at a later dinner (cooked by New York [you couldn't pay me to eat that]), Sister P really went off to Entertainer's mother, proclaiming that her hair "look like [she's] wearin’ a beaver’s ass on [her] head." Completely funny, completely rude, yet completely true. At the end of the show, Entertainer was sent home. Not shocking. At this point, I have a feeling she'll pick Buddha.

Next, I tuned in to E! for the season premier of The Girls Next Door. I love that show, seriously. I think I would be a great addition to that house, too; all of those girls are SO fierce and SO funny. It was basically the same shenanigans for the girls, complete with a 4th of July send-off celebration for a bunch of Marines.

E! knew that people would tune in for Girls, so directly after it was the series premier of Snoop Dogg's Father Hood. I predicted that it would be bad, but I really had no idea. My friend Libby told me via text message that she's sick of seeing "spoiled rich kids" on TV, but I'm not. However, these kids aren't that cool and Snoop is not that important to the pop culture scene anymore. Anyhow, there were three good things about the show: 1. Snoop's daughter who is totally cute; 2. Snoop vacuuming the house; and 3. a preview of the season including a phone call from David Beckham. I sincerely hope that Snoop and Becks don't become friends; I really can't see Posh letting that happen, though.

Final Thought: America's Most Smartest Model is down to two contestants: Andre and VJ. VJ is sooo much hotter and Andre is an idiot, but who knows who will win... I'm over that show.

The Hillz are alive with the sound of Lauren

I missed the original airing of Lauren Looks Back, since it's MTV, I am catching the rerun a couple hours later. It's a pretty awesome clip/review show, catching up those of us who have missed a single episode of Laguna Beach or The Hillz. I've taken a few pages of notes, but I'll consolidate it all to one sentence per segment. Well, maybe two sentences. And a quote.

1. It's all about Stephen, but he's too busy with Kristin to really take Lauren seriously. Stephen!

2. Stephen is a huge man-whore, completely "not available" for Lauren. Prom and graduation bring an end to high school, but Lauren only survives design school in San Fran for one semester.

3. Enter Jason, complete with that ugly girlfriend of his, Jessica. Also, enter Heidi, who walked with Kristin in a fashion show (a sign of things to come?).

4. Lauren and Heidi move in together and, miraculously, Lauren scores the internship at Teen Vogue and meets Whitney (my fave!). As she says, she "came to Los Angeles to take chances!"

5. Lauren and Jason have all kinds of problems, including a SUPER dramatic scene on New Year's Eve. Then, Lauren makes the biggest mistake EVER by becoming, as Lisa Love says, "the girl who didn't go to Paris."

6. Lauren, already being SO trendy with dark fingernail polish, realizes she can "never be normal" with Jason. Spencer and Brody are brought to the forefront, and Heidi and her loser BF hook up slutty Jen with Brody at a party.

7. Basically, Spencer is an idiot ("He is a sucky person!" / Brody & Spencer break up!). Jason gets out of rehab and, after being super nice to Lauren, she finds out that he's engaged to some not-so-cute tennis player.

8. It's all about Brody. Heidi is around, but she's still a bitch.

Keeping Up With Kardashian Backgrounds

So I'm watching a mini-marathon of Keeping Up With The Kardashians and I've come up with a question: why are they famous?  I've decided to do some research.  Some of my findings confirmed little tidbits I had heard, but a few things were completely new to me.

The late Robert Kardashian, the patriarch of the family, was an attorney in the OJ Simpson murder trial.  He passed away in September 2003.

Bruce Jenner, now married to Kris (the mother), is an Olympic gold medalist, having won the decathalon in the 1976 summer games.  He was also in some horrible disco movie about The Village People.  Oh, this is not his first appearance on reality TV, either: he was on Dancing With The Stars as well as the short-lived Skating With Celebrities, a show I would be SO fierce on.

Kim Kardashian was married to Damon Thomas, a music producer, but is better known for her sex tape with R&B "star" Ray-J (isn't he Brandy's brother?).  I haven't seen the sex tape (yet), but I can't imagine it could compare to Pam & Tommy's.  

Brody Jenner, Bruce's son, has made the rounds and successfully crossed-over between reality shows, a feat that only a few have conquered, having dated Kristin Cavallari from Laguna Beach who I absolutely HATE.  He's also really hot.

Here's a quote that scared me when I heard it and rightfully so (in an hour, the Jenners' young daughters were mocking the Girls Gone Wild shoot on a stripper pole in the basement): "Brody, you're in charge."  Maybe leaving two eight year old girls at home with Brody isn't a great idea...  I don't think it would be a good idea to leave him at home with me, either...

Friday Findings

Another slightly gay-slanted Reality TV blog is reporting something that I find to be a little ridiculous...  Jack Mackenroth, everyone's favorite fruity beefcake on Project Runway, is dating Dale Levitski, the mowhawk-clad runner-up from Top Chef's third season.  Am I the only one who thinks it's kind of a joke?  I mean, they're both definitely good looking guys, but after watching both of them regularly on their respective shows, I can't really see there being much romantic chemistry.  I can definitely picture them going out in Boystown and having a fab night together, but let's face it, their personalities don't really work together in a "dating" sort of way.  But maybe I'm just jealous.  Incredibly jealous.  Oh, PS--the two apparently "met over Myspace."  I've done that before and, well, I'll just leave it at that.

In other Bravo TV news, studio execs have announced that two shows I've never really watched (Shear Genius and Top Design) are both being slated for second seasons.  I'm indifferent.

I'm planning on catching up on some shows tonight through Sunday, so expect some fierce updates.  I hope my readership didn't go down while I was vacationing in the South of Indiana--hahaha.

Fierce Updates

It's Clay Aiken's birthday! He's pretty old, actually; I had no idea. 29. Wow. In his honor, I checked out his audition on YouTube and remembered the olden days... The boy goes off.

In other news, even Fox News is reporting that Tila Tequila is straight! I read about this earlier today but wanted to wait 'till I found some more substantiated evidence, and I figure that if Fox News has a story about it, it must be legit. Apparently Tila has a boyfriend and is just doing the show for attention--what a novel idea! Ha. When I watched the first few episodes, I have to admit that I was skeptical about her sexuality. I mean, I've had plenty of women in my life who have gone through a "bisexual stage" and I can completely understand where she might be coming from. Let's face it: who doesn't want to be on TV surrounded by both gorgeous women and slightly better-than-average looking men?

I Love New York. Really, I do. She has to be one of the craziest people on reality TV, and her show has become one of those ones that is on VH1 basically all the time. I actually don't know when the new episodes are on, but that doesn't matter, because I have seen every episode multiple times. New York's breasts are inspiring; I don't know how she manages to keep the nipples covered most of the time. Most of the guys this season are pretty whatever (especially Tailor Made--what an idiot), but New York and her mother make it totally worth it. If you haven't checked out this show yet, you totally should... Especially if you like crazy black divas whose mothers are dramatic Christians and they work together to pick "True Love" for the aforementioned crazy black diva from a field of dudes with names like Punk and Buddha and sometimes they have to do stupid challenges like cook or make a business presentation and regularly break into physical violence all for the sake of entertainment... I mean, all for the sake of finding the love of a lifetime.

It's Friday night, so that means that there aren't really any new shows on... I guess I can get off of my couch and go do something.

ANTM Judge Quits

It comes as no surprise to me that Twiggy has decided to leave ANTM. Whatever, she was pretty forgettable as a judge. I mean, who could compare to Miss J, Tyra, or NIGEL BARKER? Let's be honest. Maybe Twiggy has plans to start her own model-search show? I wouldn't be shocked.

They're replacing her with some 80's supermodel that I've never heard of. I guess I wasn't paying that much attention to fashion when I was that young... But that's no surprise, either, especially to those of you who remember some of the outfits I came up with as a gay youth. Hideous.

AI Returns in January :)

AMERICAN IDOL IS COMING BACK ON JANUARY 15 & 16!

The website has all kinds of information about the auditions that took place this summer and fall in San Diego, Dallas, Omaha, Atlanta, Charleston, Miami, and Philadelphia. Check it out!

I didn't watch more than a couple episodes of the last season, but I will definitely be tuning in to see if Season 7 will bring back talent like Latoya, Jennifer, Kelly, Kimberley (Locke), Clay, Katharine, and Diana. Oh, and Ryan Seacrest, of course. I love him.

Breaking Reality News

So here's some breaking news. Julianne from DWTS is not only a two-time winner, but she is also a homewrecker. An hour after celebrating their win on The View, news broke that Helio Castroneves and his fiancee called off their engagement. Guess what? Something eerily similar happened last season, when Julianne and her fiancee broke off their engagement after rumors began swirling that she and Apollo Anton-Ohno shared more than chemistry in the ballroom. The good news is: it's no secret that Sabrina and Mark are an item, and I couldn't be happier. She is fierce and he is hot.

**Update: DWTS's season finale was the second most-watched show of the fall season! Work.

**Update: Mark Ballas is injured!

Also, Snoop Dogg will be the latest addition to the sub-genre known as Family CelebReality. His show, Father Hood, will be premiering on E! December 19. I don't really know what to make of this news... I guess time will tell, but I have a feeling it's not going to be a hit.

**Update: Father Hood is premiering tonight! Don't miss it.

That's it, really.

Some favorites from the vaults...

I thought I'd share a little background of my experiences with reality TV. In other words, here are some of my favorite moments with a bit of explanation...

Project Runway singlehandedly brought Bravo into the reality spotlight. The show takes a handful of designers to New York City and gives them challenges to create various pieces of fashion, all the while eliminating a designer each week. The finale takes place at Fashion Week, where the top three designers showcase an entire collection of clothing. There are always incredible characters on the show; artistic people are known to be--how can I say this gently--a little insane. Santino from season *two was no exception, and he was able to make up for being such a dick by doing an awesome impression of Tim Gunn. I think most of the designers on that season shared my sentiments, as they all join in on the laughter.

Another wildly popular reality show giving a fashion-hopeful the chance of a lifetime is America's Next Top Model, produced, hosted, and judged by the unpredictable Tyra Banks. Each week, the models have photo shoots and are critiqued by some of the biggest names in the business, concluding with the elimination of the one who didn't give enough face, skipped out on a challenge, had ugly skin, or just wasn't fierce enough. At the eliminations, Tyra is always acting her FACE off, often lecturing the girls about why they are going home and why they should probably just give up on their hopes and dreams altogether. During cycle four Tyra really hit the wall, totally GOING OFF on Tiffany upon her elimination (the only double-elimination ever on the show). It's one of those moments where you are watching the TV and thinking, "What is going on?" Tyra is insane. It's all in the clip.

One of my favorite reality shows of all time is American Idol, duh. I have vivid memories of watching the first season with a few of my friends in someone's basement, sipping stolen alcohol out of empty shampoo bottles (don't ask). Though there have been some obvious duds (Ruben Studdard, namely), Idol has produced some fierce champions, but many of my favorites haven't even been in the finales... Check out Jennifer Hudson singing "Weekend in New England" from Barry Manilow night on season three. It's insane, and she looks insane, too. And here's Latoya London, one of my all time favorite contestants, singing "Don't Rain on My Parade" from Big Band night (again from season three, the best season EVER!). Idol was probably the first show to really give its losers a chance in the spotlight, especially William Hung and his awesome rendition of "She Bangs." Want more Idol? Just go to YouTube and search--you'll find years worth of clips, both good and bad.

Some reality shows only have a small following, but this doesn't mean that they don't provide incredible entertainment. A perfect example is Trading Spouses, a show that I've tried to watch since it's inception. Without question, the absolute best "trade" was when The God Warrior spent a week with a Pagan family. Check out her reaction upon her homecoming. It turns me into a God-fearing man, I'll say that.

More to come...

The Opening Round: Beginnings and Endings

Well, last night was a complete shock (slash not a shock at all) when Mel B. was robbed of the title on Dancing with the Stars. I'm pissed! You know, when Sabrina was voted off a few weeks ago, I was seriously outraged, and this is not QUITE as bad, but it's still upsetting. There were many highlights of the finale results show, though, such as Marie finishing in third (gotta love her for trying, but let's face it, she's talentless in the ballroom); the return of all of the eliminated couples (SABRINA! YES!  ALBERT REED! YES!); some great one-liners from Tom (he's such a great host); Cameron with his shirt off (finally!); and some awesome, tear-jerking montages from this fabulous and dramatic season. I mean, how many times have we seen Marie faint or Jennie & Derek fall on their asses? And they're both still funny! Anyhow, it's a shame that what's-his-name the racecar driver went home with the mirrorball trophy, but I guess I can't be that surprised... After all, it's not like America hasn't done something stupid like this before (Jennifer Hudson's 7th place Idol finish, most notably).

This was the first season of DWTS that I watched regularly, and I have to say, I was very impressed. Yes, it's funny that most of the "stars" are actually way past their primes (or have their primes still in the future--SABRINA), but it is always entertaining to see people completely out of their element.  Also, I love watching good dancers; it's a well-known fact that my dream talent is to be a dancer of some sort.  All in all, wow, what a season; if you didn't tune in, check it out online at abc.com or go to YouTube and search for your favorite stars.

And now, on to Project Runway.  I didn't watch much of last season but I was a fanatic of the previous two, especially season one.  This time around, Heidi is even more German (or whatever she is) and Tim Gunn now knows how gay he actually sounds ("Designers...  Make it work.")  The cast is incredibly talented; never before have there been so many designers who have already enjoyed some level of success.  From lingerie to nymph-inspired cloaks, these designers have done it all, and it's way too early to pick any front-runners, at least for me.

The Redeye, a morning newspaper us Chicagoans enjoy while riding the El, did a preview of the designers a few weeks ago and they compared each one to a designer from past seasons.  Well, The Redeye was completely wrong; they said that Victorya was "forgettable" and wouldn't make it past week one, but she's won two of the three challenges!  I think her designs are nice, feminine, and pretty; nothing to write home about, really, but she's definitely good enough to be there.  Jack definitely rocked the menswear challenge with Tiki Barber tonight, and the male models Tim brought in definitely rocked my TV.  (Sidenote: throw in male models and I'm all about it).  As far as personality is concerned, well, you might not believe me, but I like Christian.  He's so ridiculouslyfiercelyinsanely gay, it's awesome.  I also love the relationship that he and Jack have--did you see Jack's rippling muscles barely flinch while carrying Christian in a tote bag back to Parsons?  Adorable.

You know, I haven't really watched Real World regularly since...hmmm...either Chicago or New Orleans.  I think that show was cooler to me when I was younger than the cast members; now, it isn't as unbelievable that a house full of beautiful college kids get drunk every night and barely do anything worthwhile (or perhaps nothing at all) during the day.  It's one of those reality shows that is basically the same from season to season, especially now that they pick the most ridiculous people they can find, rather than mixing it up with a few normals.  Anyhow, my roommate and I watched the new episode today, and I officially decided that I hate Parisa.  I'm sorry, I do.  Now, do NOT think that this means I am on Team Tricia, because that is clearly not the case.  Tricia is a closed-minded white trash Christian skank who needs a new dye job.  But Parisa is sooooo annoying!  Why did she EVER think it would be a good idea to be on the show?  Her personality just isn't right.  And I hate the way she is constantly acting so mature.  Get over it.  The funniest moment on tonight's show was when those two brown-haired sorority girls were leaning over the phone room and spitting on the window.  Was that really supposed to frighten Parisa out of Australia?  

The last show I'll be discussing tonight is Run's House.  This diamond in the rough showcases one of the most normal, down to earth families in the history of reality TV.  Seriously.  Run and his wife are both totally cool parents and all of their kids are full of personality and hidden talents...  Especially Diggy, who is a totally fierce dancer.  It's a low-key show that really pleases.

Final thought: Please download Heidi Montag's song "Body Language."  I know it's been out in cyberspace for a few weeks already, but it's priceless.  Especially Spencer's rap.